12 things I wish I learnt before turning 27

So I just turned 27 in April, and they say your brain is fully formed by the time you round a quarter century on the earth. After the past year, I can finally say that my brain has never felt more wrinkly and worn out.

All of the self doubts, the resets, the regrets, the anxiety, the panic attacks, the what-ifs, the what’s-nexts–all of it has mounted to this overwhelming feeling that I’m becoming the exact person I’m meant to be.

The difference a year makes can be shocking. I have become such a stark contrast to the person who was blowing the candles just a year back. Here’s what I wish I’d learnt sooner.

1. I’ve stopped giving advice to people
   This was one of the most difficult things I’ve learnt to let go off–especially difficult for an over sharer like me. I always had the habit of giving unsolicited advice to people, and was known to have an opinion on virtually everything and anything. I now realize that it takes a lot of courage for someone to open up to me. The last thing they want to hear is, me invalidating their experience or forcing my ideals with regard to their situation. I am not living their experience, nor is it the time to center my views over their conversation. Most of the time, when someone shares an experience, what they’re actually looking for is just support, an ear to listen to and someone to hear them out post judgement.
2. I’m done saying ‘yes’ to everything
   Yes you’re only going to be young once, and yes you-only-live-once, and yes blood is thicker than water– yes to all of these, but that does not mean that you should make yourself so readily available to everyone. I’ve never felt more burned out as I was last year, so finally learning to set boundaries was a reactive measure I took. I could not go on just doing everything that life threw at me. All this grinding took a huge toll on my mental health, and I basically hit a wall. Once I stopped saying ‘yes’ and carefully reviewed every request, I not only reinforced respect for my own ‘time’ but I also realized that I am a finite resource with limits.
3. I now aim for ‘empathy’ over understanding
   I now aim for empathy over understanding– this in short means, I will never understand what it’s like to live in this world with any identity but my own. Therefore, the point is to build solidarity across all the divide and hate that exists. My focus is to realize that I will never fully understand everything, but that I can extend my support and empathize, and do my best to rally behind people’s struggles.
4. I do things for ‘me’
   I’ve stopped doing things for clout, for fame, for my IG followers, not even to show off to my friends. I used to be such a sucker for external validation. But over the last 6 months, I’ve realized that some of the things that I treasure the most in my life are things I share very little off. In this social first society that we live in, I now understand the importance of my privacy (which most would argue is garbage coming from someone who habit a of oversharing online) and how it makes me so happy. Let me explain why: the fact that I can have these unregulated, unstructured moments just by myself, without broadcasting it to the entirety of the internet is super soothing to me. I no longer worry about making a fool of myself online, nor do I feel the need to practice or stage anything. The little things that I now invest my energy into have become a better representation of the person that I am, more so than anything I’ve shared over the years. My day now revolves around a set of activities that I genuinely enjoy doing. These are things that I commit to, not for the sake of making others happy, but because I actually enjoy doing them.
5. I’ve stopped the toxic ‘positivity’
   I’ve always bled enthusiasm, optimism and happiness– but a few health conditions that I’ve struggled with over the last few months basically sucked all of it away. When this happened, I really had a hard time figuring out how I could exist without having these core elements of myself taken away from me. What was particularly was worse hearing things like, ‘hey life could be worse’ or ‘always look on the bright side’. I now realize it’s okay to ‘feel bad’ about your circumstances, no matter what your privileges are.
6. I need to invest in my health
   Late last year, I came to the realization that I’d messed up my health badly. I was overweight, relied on unhealthy habits and not taken up any form of physical activity for over 6 years. I’d always hear from people that I should hit the gym or take up running, but in the same token it just sucks that our entire society is built around excessive splurging and this drive to invest in in unhealthy habits. While there is a thriving fitness community active in our society, it is extremely intimidating not to mention, an expensive feat for someone whose starting to to make healthier choices. I now have so much guilt over the fact that I did not do enough reading into the tremendous resources available online. I wish I’d known that I can reach a healthy goal weight, without ever stepping foot into a gym.
7. If I’m thinking of someone, I let them know
   When I’m thinking of someone, I let them know. I’ve done away with prioritizing my own ego, and thinking that I’m too holy for someone else. I no longer wait for the perfect ‘moment’ to come along, instead I reach out. When I have a reaction, I react, honestly and whole-heartedly. I show up for people who deserve my time and attention, and I compensate back to those that bring me genuine and deep joy.
8. I now make space for others
   I don’t have to be the first person to speak–sometimes my presence can be hurtful to others. I’ve realized that it’s okay to take a step back and let others have a moment. I am no more important than the other person in a room.
9. I know that relationships are a two-way street.
   In the past year and a half, I’ve realized that relationships can grow in surprising ways. I’ve forged some amazing relationships with like minded (you know who you are) individuals and I no longer fear of them leaving. What makes this point deeply unsettling is how I’ve also grown more distant from some people that I cherished dearly– but I realize that’s okay too. I’ve now learnt to set levels to all the people I keep in my circle.
   It’s a simple concept really– you prioritize people into a list of 1,2,3 with 1 being your ride or die and 3 being people you need not talk everyday, but still want a connection with. This sense of hierarchy has made my relationships stronger with the people that are dear to me, and I am still available to those that deserve my time and energy.
10. It’s okay to rest
    I now realize that rest is a requirement, and not a reward. If you set your mindset to view sleep and rest as a reward, you’ll be reminded how required it actually is. I remember being so worked up on most nights, where I had to resort to rainwater playlists, meditation, hot showers–nothing ever seemed to work. I now force myself to have a set sleep/wake up routine that my brain has adjusted to this new way of life.
11. It’s okay to be selfish.
    Sometimes its helpful to reframe your mindset to go from ‘what can you give’ to ‘what can you get’ out of a situation. It’s okay want more out of a situation, to expect more out of a relationship, or to similarly to reframe your mindset to focus on what you ‘know’ and less on what you ‘don’t know’
12. I no longer try to ‘appear interesting’
    At a point over the last couple of years, I found myself obsessing over appearing interesting to other people, making sure that I left a ‘lasting impression’ over others. But it feels so much better to like what i like, because i like it. Sometimes I want to listen to music that others find cringe-y, or enjoy a movie that others could find weird. I now realize that I don’t need an individuality complex to like myself.

I’ve done a lot of thinking this part year. I truly feel like a radically different person than I was 12 years ago. Taking some time away from all my past distractions compelled me to really dig in and put my thoughts into words. I’ve had to reprocess, reprogram and relearn a lot of things. But through this process, I’ve found a much better and healthier version of myself, one that I wish I’d met sooner.